Lessons We've Learned Raising an Autistic Child

Raising a child is always an adventure, full of unexpected moments, challenges, and joys. When our son was diagnosed with autism, that adventure took on a depth we hadn’t anticipated. It’s been a journey of patience, understanding, and immense love—one that has taught us more about ourselves and life than we could have imagined.

The first and most profound lesson we’ve learned is patience. Our son sees the world in a way that is so beautifully different from the way we do. At first, it was easy to get frustrated when he didn’t respond in the ways we expected or when his needs were hard to decipher. But over time, I realized that frustration wasn’t helping either of us. Instead, I started taking a step back, breathing deeply, and trying to see things from his perspective. It wasn’t always easy, but it transformed how I interacted with him. It taught me that understanding and connection come when we set aside our assumptions and truly listen.

Getting a diagnosis for our son was not an easy process. We saw the stimming, the eloping, and the other clear signs of autism. Yet, time after time, doctors would tell us, “It’s probably just ADHD” or “He has a speech delay.” Deep down, we knew they were missing the bigger picture, but getting someone to take us seriously was exhausting. Then there was the challenge of explaining our situation to others—why we couldn’t meet at an unfenced park or how we had to watch him constantly to prevent him from wandering off. Some people understood; many didn’t. Potential friendships faded after the first playdate when they realized our son was nonverbal. Those moments were painful, but they also strengthened our resolve. We learned to trust our instincts and advocate fiercely for our son, even when the world didn’t seem to understand.

Despite the challenges, every small breakthrough feels like a triumph. When our son uses a single word to ask for something, it’s a moment of celebration in our home. These milestones, which might seem small to others, are monumental for us. They remind us of his progress and how far we’ve come together.

Living with a child who has autism has changed the way I see the world. I’m more aware now of dangers I never noticed before—like whether there’s a fence around a park or if a store has a Caroline’s Cart to make shopping easier. But it’s not just the risks that stand out; I’ve also learned to see beauty in the simplest moments. Just the other day, it started raining heavily, and our son ran off the porch into the downpour. I chased after him, initially angry and scared, but when I caught him, he was laughing so hard it was contagious. He lay on the ground, letting the rain wash over him, completely delighted by the moment. When I stopped and let myself be present with him, I started laughing too. That moment—a mix of chaos, fear, and pure joy—perfectly captures what he has taught me about life: to slow down, appreciate the now, and find happiness in unexpected places.

One of the hardest things has been navigating life without much support. Many family members and friends don’t fully understand what we’re going through. But over time, we’ve learned that it’s okay to have a smaller circle. A good therapist or a kind stranger who “gets it” can mean the world.

Our son is incredibly resourceful, and while that often keeps us on our toes, it’s also something we celebrate. Whether it’s figuring out how to reach the sweets cabinet or cleverly “faking” a broken ankle to get out of bedtime, his creativity knows no bounds. Watching his mind work in these ways is fascinating—it’s a reminder that his way of thinking is unique and extraordinary.

The phrase “different, not less” resonates deeply with me. My son’s perspective on the world, while sometimes overwhelming for him, is also full of wonder. He notices things I might overlook and finds joy in moments I might otherwise rush through. In trying to understand him, I’ve found myself understanding more about myself, too—what truly matters in life and how to let go of the things that don’t.

Our journey with our son has been one of growth, resilience, and profound love. It’s taught us that autism isn’t something to fear or fix but something to embrace and celebrate. Our son’s world is vibrant, challenging, and beautiful, and we’re so grateful to be a part of it.